The deal
by Brookie-M
Summary: Lea & Dianna


"You're kidding right?"

Dianna's voice pulls you out of your daydream and into the present. She's looking at you like you should be responding to something, but honestly as soon as anyone in a business suit starts talking to you; you have a tendency to zone out.

Twenty minutes ago the two of you had been called into an office high above your recording studio. When you arrived you were met by a pretty young receptionist who offered you sparkling water before ushering you into a huge office. Sitting behind a massive wooden desk was a man you had never seen before in a fancy suit. He explained that he had something or other to do with financing and marketing your show. You pretty much immediately stopped caring because you had never had a positive experience with the powers-that-be at Fox.

Now, with Dianna and the Suit staring intently at you, you sort of wish you had been paying attention.

"Dianna can I talk to you outside for a second?" You venture.

"Sure…" She says wrinkling her brow at you. She stands and walks towards the door, you follow with a quick smile in the Suit's direction. When you get outside Dianna is waiting for you with her arms crossed.

"You have no idea what we're talking about do you Lea?" Dianna asked.

"Uh well…" You begin hesitantly. "I got some of it…"

"Goodness." Dianna rolls her eyes. "I'll give you the point form version."

You smile gratefully and nod your head urging her to continue.

"So this gentleman" She gestures at the door just behind you. "Has asked us to do something totally outrageous." She sighs and runs her hands through her hair. "He wants us to… he's asking us to…"

You don't know Dianna very well. Sure the two of you had been working together for a few months now, but for some reason the two of you had never really clicked. But from what you knew, Dianna was not someone who struggled with words.

"Dianna just spit it out." You prompt.

She gives you a pained look and nods.

"They want us to pretend to date."

It takes a moment for the statement to sink in. Sink in isn't quite the right phrase though; it's a feeling closer to being punched in the neck.

"I- I'm sorry?" You sputter incredulously. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Lea there is no need to swear." She retorts, still looking at you with the same pained expression.

"Sorry." You roll your eyes. "But seriously, what are you talking about?"

"Well I guess date is the wrong word." She says wincing a little. "They want us to lead people to believe that we are _secretly_ dating."

"I still don't really understand." You say impatiently.

"Honestly I don't either." She agrees. "They think that it will be good for the show's popularity. Something about it appealing to the teen market."

"They want us to pretend to be a secret couple to appeal to the teen market? I thought that was what Mark was for?"

She laughs. "Me too. I don't really know what to do here." She admits. "That's really as far as he got before you decided to tune in."

"I guess we should get back in there then." You grab Dianna's arm and march the two of you back into the room to see what the Suit had to say for himself. He speaks just as you are settling back into your seats.

"Ladies I realize that this is an unusual request." He says calmly. You let out a small snort and roll your eyes.

"Lea I know you have a boyfriend back in New York." He says gesturing towards you. You nod and wonder how the hell he knew that.

"And Dianna I know that you are…"

"Straight." She cuts in with a slight glare.

"However we have done extensive research on the matter and believe that this will greatly benefit the show." He continues. "There are many examples of shows in which closeness between the lead actresses has proven to be very lucrative."

"Why couldn't you just get Heather and Naya to do it?" You ask.

"Well first of all, they don't play major characters, so will be much less recognizable." He replies. "And after discussing it we decided that it would be best to choose two actors who would be able to go about it professionally."

"Professionally?" Dianna repeats. "What does that mean?"

"From what my colleagues and I have ascertained, the two of you aren't particularly close." He pauses, waiting for either of you to deny it. You don't.

"We realize that this sort of arrangement has the potential to be a little… messy." He offers. "The two of you are the best candidates, there is far less risk involved having the two of you do this than Naya and Heather."

Neither of you speak so after a few moments he goes on.

"It will be easier for you to act as if there is something going on between you, if there is nothing there. No emotional entanglements."

You nod a little, because it makes sense. Besides you are pretty sure Naya and Heather are on the verge of a pretty serious emotional entanglement. You could see how that would make it harder for the Suit and his friends to be able to manipulate the situation.

"You should consider it another acting job." He says. "And you will be compensated as such."

"What do you mean compensated?" You ask.

"We would consider it to be another facet of the job we are paying you to do." He replies. "You sing, dance and act for us, and are paid to do so. We will pay you above and beyond that to do this for us as well."

You mull what he has said over in your head for a few moments. You glance over at Dianna and for a split second wish you knew her better because you have no idea what she's thinking.

"Can you give us a sec?" You ask. He nods and for the second time that day, or any day as long as you've known her, you grab Dianna's arm and drag her after you. You release your grip on her when the door clicks shut behind you.

"So." You say.

"So" She replies leaning against the wall opposite the door.

"What do you want to do?" You ask.

"Truth?" She says raising her eyebrows at you.

"Please."

"Money is money." She shrugs. "And he has a point. We are the only people who can do this without it becoming a personal thing. We're the only ones who aren't close."

It sounds so blunt when she puts it that way, but you have to agree. The two of you really aren't close. Your interactions have been mostly friendly, but you are by no stretch of the imagination friends. It would be pretty painless, just another acting job.

"So you think we should do it?" You ask.

"I'm game if you are." She replies simply.

"Okay." You nod, and on impulse reach your hand out towards her. "Let's do it."

She takes your hand and shakes it briefly.

"How hard could it be?" She kicks off the wall and begins moving towards the door. "Besides" She says, meeting your eyes over her shoulder. "Neither of us are even in to girls so it won't be a problem."

You think about correcting her, because while what she said isn't an outright lie, it isn't exactly true either.

But before you can open your mouth Dianna is sitting down across from the Suit. She turns and raises an eyebrow at you. You shake your head, clearing away old memories and walk back into the office letting the door fall shut behind you.

Fifteen minutes later you are shaking the Suit's hand and he's thanking you for coming. You follow Dianna out of the office and into the elevator. Neither of you speaks for the entire twenty-two floor ride. In the deafening quiet you wonder for the first time how you ever thought this would work. It may be true that not being friends is an asset, but you realize now that you can barely speak to her, and for the foreseeable future you have to try and convince an entire country that you are doing a lot more than that to her.

Your thoughts are interrupted when the elevator doors open out onto the lobby and Dianna stalks out. By the time you gather yourself together enough to walk after her she's already standing just beyond the revolving doors rummaging in her bag. You pause next to her awkwardly as she pulls out pair of sunglasses and puts them on.

"Well I'm this way." She nods her head vaguely to the left.

"Yeah I'm…" You point over to the right.

"Okay well, see you tomorrow." Dianna says with a tight-lipped smile.

"Bye lover." You say lamely, attempting a joke. The expression on her face as she walks away is what you imagine she'd look like if you'd slapped her across the face.

For a moment you wish you had, it would have been a lot less painful for the both of you.

When you get back to Cory's place he's playing video games in his underwear.

"Hey how was your meeting?" He asks scooting over on the couch as you settle next to him.

"Weird." You sigh. "Also I know this is your house but bear in mind that I do sleep on this couch." You snap the elastic of his boxers lightly.

"Right." He grins sheepishly tucking a blanket between his body and the couch. "Sorry."

You lean your head into his shoulder and try to relax. Your mind has been buzzing ever since you left that meeting and you feel completely lost.

"Cory how long did it take us to become friends?" You ask quietly.

"Not long." He laughs. "I met you what, three months ago? You've been living on my couch for two and a half."

"God has it been that long?" You sigh.

"Yeah pretty close. You know I don't mind though right? It's nice having you here. Plus carpooling is a huge bonus." He plants a kiss on your head and stands. "It's late, I'll surrender your bed."

"Thanks Cory." You smile. "Goodnight."

The next morning when you stumble sleepily into your trailer you come face to face with the last person you expected to see. When your eyes land on Dianna sitting on the couch reading through her script you do a double take. You had barely slept last night and now it appears that you had walked into the wrong trailer. You turn and peek your head out the door. In dark black sharpie on white masking tape, clear as day you see three names. _Lea, Naya_ and over the one that had read _Heather_, a new strip of tape reading _Dianna_.

You slowly pull your head back inside the trailer and wait for Dianna to explain.

"When I got to my trailer this morning Heather was in there." Dianna says setting her script aside. "Then I was informed that I had been moved into your trailer. Apparently it's all part of the illusion."

"Naya is going to be pissed." You say.

"Yeah well, she's been with Heather all morning. I don't think we'll be seeing much of her."

The two of you stare at each other awkwardly for a few moments until Dianna speaks again.

"Oh I almost forgot." She pulls two envelopes out of her bag. "I'm supposed to give this to you." She says and passes a still sealed envelope to you. You take it and settle on the floor across from Dianna with your back against the wall.

"What is it?" You ask, noticing that the identical envelope she held was already opened.

"I guess you could call them guidelines. Basic rules to this…thing." She gestures between the two of you and removes a booklet from the envelope.

"Seriously?" You ask.

"Yeah. It's all very specific." She says leafing through the pages. "There are some pretty helpful tips on page nine."

You tear open your envelope and flip quickly to page nine. You scan it for a moment before looking up at Dianna.

"Longing glances?" You ask incredulously. "This has to be a joke."

"My personal favourite is 'hand grazing'." She says grimly.

"Remind me again why we decided to this?" You ask.

"Turn to the last page, it has our updated salaries on it."

You flip quickly to the end of the booklet and there in black and white is the _exact_ reason you agreed to do this. You can't suppress the grin that spreads across your face and when you look back up you find one on Dianna's matching yours.

"I bet Naya and Heather are totally kicking themselves for being all over each other now." You say laughing.

"That reminds me." Dianna says flipping back through the booklet. "According to the rules we can't tell anyone about it. We're allowed to act normally on set for the most part. We only have to do this when there are reporters and photographers around."

"How are we going to avoid explaining this to everyone?" You ask. "They're going to know something's up if we're suddenly all over each other."

"I don't know." Dianna shrugs and stands. "I'm sure there's a page in this monster about it. I should get to makeup. See you."

"See you." You echo vaguely, engrossed in the rulebook.

If the Suit thought this rulebook would in any way make your lives easier, he was wrong.

Things between you and Dianna could never really have been described as comfortable. By the time Dianna had joined the cast the rest of you were all pretty at ease with one another. You had made fast friends with most of the cast, especially Cory. You shared a trailer with Naya and later Heather, while Dianna was halfway across the lot with Jenna and Amber. When you weren't with them, you were trying to keep up a long distance relationship with Theo in New York. So there was never really any reason for the two of you to have to get to know each other. Plus your characters hated each other anyways, so what was the point?

Dianna obviously felt the same way because in three months she had never attempted to befriend you either. The two of you were perfectly fine with spending time together in group settings with the rest of the cast. You were always nice and courteous to one another, but in the same way you are nice and courteous to your parent's friends. You only do it because it's expected of you; otherwise you really can't be bothered.

Needless to say, not exactly comfortable.

But since you have gotten yourselves into this mess, things have been unbearably awkward between the two of you. Every day seemingly more painful than the last.

The trouble starts the first time the two of you are anywhere near reporters. The entire cast had been invited to a massive party for all of the shows on Fox. Naturally you spend most of your evening with your cast mates, because all of you are a little scared to be at your first real industry party. You stick close to Cory because you know almost no one here.

The first person outside of your cast that you recognize is the Suit. He catches your eye across the room and you smile and nod politely. He returns your nod and then very blatantly looks from you, to a photographer milling around, then over to where Dianna is standing, chatting with Chris. He repeats this circuit a few times before you finally give in.

You slowly make your way over to Dianna, making deliberate eye contact with the Suit. When you are within inches of her it strikes you that you have no idea what you should do. It doesn't seem like an appropriate situation for a "longing glance" seeing as you are right next to her and the idea of grazing her hand makes you a little nauseous.

As you are standing just behind Dianna mulling over your options Chris notices you.

"Hey Lea." He greets you with a confused look.

You bite the bullet. So to speak.

"Hey Chris." You reply. You whisper a "Sorry" in Dianna's direction as you slide your arm low around her waist.

All of a sudden time starts moving unbearably slowly. Chris' gaze drops down to your hand wrapped around Dianna's hip and he looks at it with open confusion. You feel every muscle in Dianna's body tense and you can't help the slow grimace that spreads on your face.

"Well…" Chris says, in a voice higher than normal. "I'm just going to go get a drink." And with that he leaves the two of you alone in the middle of the room.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You mutter again and again, your hand flexing nervously against the fabric of her dress. "It's just that awful man saw me and there are photographers and oh god I am so sorry."

Dianna turns towards you and you are painfully aware of just how close the two of you are now. Your arm is still wrapped around her waist and despite the fact that each of you is leaning as far away from the other as is humanly possible you are still much, much closer than you have ever been.

When you look up into Dianna's face she is wincing and with a nod of her head gesturing at something behind you. You turn and spot the photographer.

"How about a picture ladies?" He asks holding up his camera.

"Sure." Dianna replies hesitantly. She reaches around your neck with a stiff arm and pulls you into her body. The weight of her arm is pulling painfully at your hair, and you are pretty sure you are standing on one of her feet. It's awkward and you know the pictures will reflect that. Regardless you muster the most genuine smile you can as he snaps a few pictures, thanks you and walks off.

The second his back is turned the two of you practically jump apart.

"I'm gonna…" You start pointing behind you at nothing in particular.

"Yeah just…" Dianna mutters, and then turns on her heel and marches off.

It's only downhill from there. For the next two weeks of filming there are extra cameras following all of you around all day, shooting interviews and behind-the-scenes footage for when the show launches. Every time a camera gets near you or Dianna, you blindly and stiffly reach for one another's hand, or arm, or waist, breaking apart as soon as the cameras have gone.

The whole situation has taken its toll on the both of you. Despite the fact that the two of you are physically close almost all the time, you have never been more verbally avoidant of each other. The only time the two of you speak to one another is when you are shooting scenes together. You blatantly avoid being in your shared trailer at the same time and lately if the cast hangs out as a group, one of you will bow out.

The first time you speak to each other after two weeks of virtual silence happens completely by accident. It's late in the evening and you've been done shooting for at least an hour, except you carpooled with Cory today and he's still working. You're just sitting in your trailer reading over the next day's scenes when Dianna walks in.

"Oh." She says, fidgeting awkwardly. "I didn't think you'd be here. Aren't you done for the day?"

"Yeah." You reply. "But I drove here with Cory and he still has scenes."

"I was watching, I think he's going to be a while." Dianna says as she moves about the trailer gathering her things.

"Uh." She pauses and turns to look at you. "I'm leaving, do you want a ride?"

"No, no." You say quickly. "It's fine I can wait."

"Come on Lea." Dianna says, in an uncharacteristically friendly voice. "We could get coffee or something. Somewhere with photographers perhaps?"

You laugh nervously.

"Um. Okay. Yeah, okay sure." You reply. You gather your things and follow Dianna to her car. She pulls out of the Fox lot and immediately turns the radio up. For that you are intensely grateful, because having to talk to Dianna is an experience you generally prefer to avoid these days.

The feeling doesn't last though because before long Dianna pulls into a Starbucks parking lot. You kind of thought she was kidding about the getting coffee thing.

You order your drinks and sit across from each other at a table near the door. For a few minutes the only sound is you sipping at your coffee and Dianna peeling the label off her iced tea.

"This is really…" Dianna begins.

"Fucking awkward." You finish.

Dianna laughs and nods her head. "It really is. It has been for weeks."

"I know." You agree.

"We're doing a terrible job of convincing people we are secretly dating." She says.

"Terrible." You agree. "But I don't know what to do about it."

"I just need more time to wrap my head around it I think." She says peeling away another strip of label off her bottle. "It's hard to go from barely interacting to having to be touching all the time."

"Yeah." You agree. "It's a pretty bizarre situation, but I mean somewhere along the line it has to get easier right?"

She nods and the two of you fall into silence again.

"I should take you home." She says abruptly and stands.

"Yeah, okay." You say startled. You dump your half full coffee in the garbage and follow her.

Once you are back in her car she turns to you.

"I don't actually know where you live." She says.

"Do you know where Cory lives?" You ask.

"Yeah, sort of, I've been there once or twice." She replies.

"That's where I live."

"Oh." She says then falls quiet again. You only have to prompt her to turn once on the ride to Cory's, but other than that you don't speak until you pull up in front of Cory's place.

"I thought you had a boyfriend in New York." She says as she puts the car in park.

"I do." You reply. "I'm just living with Cory because I've been having trouble finding an apartment. I've been sleeping on his couch."

"That sucks." She says.

"It's not so bad."

"Uh, this is going to sound kind of crazy." Dianna begins hesitantly after a few moments.

"What is?" You ask.

"Well my roommate just moved out, and I've been hoping to find someone to take her room." Dianna says. "You could move in with me. If you wanted to, I mean. I have the space."

"Are you sure?" You ask, because you aren't sure at all, but the prospect of having your own room is too good to pass up. "Because you can take it back right now and we can just forget you offered. I mean, are you really sure it's a good idea?"

"Truth?" She asks her eyes trained down at the steering wheel.

"Please." You reply.

"I don't know if it's a good idea. But lately, with everything that we've had to do and not being able to talk about it with anyone, I've just felt totally unlike myself and sort of, well, lost."

She pauses and runs a hand through her hair.

"I just think it would be a lot easier…that I'd feel better if I had a friend in it."

"Yeah." You agree softly. "I think so too."

"Okay." She says smiling shyly. "Let's just live together."

"At the very least reporters will love it." You say returning her smile.

"At the very least." She laughs.

"Thanks for the ride." You say, finally opening the car door and stepping out. "I guess I'll start bringing my stuff over tomorrow?"

"Yeah that sounds good. Bye Lea." She says. You close the passenger door and wave as she drives off.

That night when Theo calls you tell him that you are going to move in with Dianna.

"Which one is Dianna?" He asks. "You've never really talked about her before."

"She's on the cast. We are just sort of starting to hang out I guess. But she offered so we're going to try it out."

"Well I'm glad you found a place babe. I've been worrying about you." He says sweetly and your chest aches a little.

"I miss you." You say quietly.

"I miss you too." He replies. "I'll come visit as soon as I can. See your new place."

"That sounds great. I should go though, early call time." You say. "I love you."

"I love you too, beautiful." He says. "I'll talk to you soon."

You hang up the phone and burrow deeper into the couch. You smile as you realize that tonight is the last night you will have to spend on it. Tomorrow you will have your own bed in your own room. Soon your boyfriend will come see you, and all the months of long distance will be totally worth it. To top it all off you have a job and friends you love.

You can't help but think if you could just figure this thing out with Dianna, things would be pretty damn perfect.

The next day turns out to be a perfect day to move. You get let out of the recording studio before noon and have the afternoon off. A peek at the schedule tells you that Dianna doesn't have to come in at all today.

Nearly everything you brought with you from New York is still packed away in boxes in Cory's garage. It only takes you a half hour to pack the rest of your things. Cory is sweet and tells you he will miss you, but you can tell he's excited about actually being able to park in his garage again.

You call Dianna before you leave.

"Hello?" She answers. "Who is this?"

You laugh. "Don't you think it's sort of weird that we are going to be living together and I had to get your number from Cory?"

"Oh hi Lea. Sorry." She says sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it. Is it cool if I start dropping stuff by now?" You ask.

"Yeah definitely. See you soon." Dianna says.

"Uh Dianna, I don't actually know where you live." You say quickly before she can hang up.

"Right! Sorry. I'll text you directions." She replies.

You thank her and hang up.

It's actually a pretty lengthy drive from Cory's place to Dianna's. This makes you feel vaguely guilty because it was pretty far out of Dianna's way to drive you home yesterday. You show up on her doorstep, carrying as many boxes as you could possibly fit in your arms. You're trying to figure out how to knock and not drop them when Dianna opens the door.

"I heard you struggling. Come in." She laughs, taking a box from your arms.

"Thanks." You mutter following her inside. "I may have overestimated my upper body strength."

"Yeah you aren't exactly burly Lea. Your room is this way."

You follow her through the apartment catching glimpses of it over your boxes. Most of the walls are an off white colour and the floors are hardwood. There are a few paintings on the walls, and some picture frames. It's all very light and elegant and you are immediately struck by the difference between living with a boy and living with a girl. Cory's house is covered in posters of hot girls and professional athletes. His house also smells like a boy, and while Dianna's house doesn't smell like much other than lemon Pledge, you find that vastly preferable.

You're so absorbed in checking out the apartment that you sort of bump into Dianna when she pauses in front of a door.

"Sorry." You mumble when she laughs and opens the door.

"This is your room." She steps inside and gestures around. It looks much the same as the rest of the house, white walls and hardwood floors. There's some furniture; a big bed, an antique desk and a full-length mirror. Right off the bat your favourite part of the room is the large picture window that's letting all the light in.

"What do you think?" Dianna asks, and she looks almost nervous and you realize you've been silent for a really long time, just taking it all in.

"It's perfect." You grin. "Seriously I really love it. Thank you for letting me stay here."

"No problem." Dianna smiles back at you and you can't be sure but you think she might be blushing. "Um do you have more boxes?"

"Yeah I do. In the car and at Cory's." You reply and place the boxes in your arms on the floor.

"Want some help?" Dianna asks.

"Yes please."

It takes the two of you the rest of the afternoon to retrieve all your boxes and get them into the apartment. It's still sort of awkward spending that much time together one on one, but sort of nice too. In any case it's a whole lot easier to be around her when you don't have to grope each other every five minutes.

After you are done unloading the last set of boxes into your room Dianna leaves you to unpack. You spend the rest of the evening settling in. You unpack box after box full of clothes and trinkets that haven't seen the light of day since New York. It takes you a while but by the end of the evening the room is really yours. Seeing it full of your books, CD's, and pictures, it really sinks in that this is home now. You collapse on your bed exhausted and satisfied with the job you have done.

You hear a knock on your open door.

"It looks good in here." Dianna says leaning against your doorframe.

"Mhmm." You mumble sleepily.

"Well Heather called; apparently everyone is going to her place tonight."

You let out a low groan.

"I know. Her apartment is ridiculously far away." Dianna sighs.

You turn over onto your front and bury your face in your new bedding.

"We could always skip it." She says.

You let out another groan, of approval this time.

"Uh well…"Dianna says awkwardly. "There's food if you want. We could watch a movie or something?"

"Will you carry me?" You mumble into your pillows.

"Nope." Dianna laughs.

"You are the worst fake secret girlfriend ever." You reply.

"I'm okay with that."

You feel yourself starting to fall asleep within the first fifteen minutes of _The Virgin Suicides_ but you figure it's the thought that counts. That the fact that the two of you are spending time together and getting along pretty well is what's really important. When you wake the TV is off and the room is dark. You're wrapped in a blanket that you didn't fall asleep in and you think to yourself that maybe Dianna isn't such a bad fake secret girlfriend after all.

The two of you strike up a tentative friendship over daily coffees and the morning newspaper and you wonder why you hadn't done it sooner. Not the whole living together thing, because it still feels like a random stroke of luck, but the getting to know each other part. When it comes down to it Dianna is incredibly easy to get along with. You always sort of thought the whole super sweet thing was an act, but you quickly realize that Dianna really is one of the nicest people on the planet. And there's a lot more to her than just sweet.

During the time that you have been living together your CD collection has tripled. One day she took a look at your collection (four Broadway soundtracks, a Spice Girls CD, the Best of Ace of Base and your parents 70s compilation) and started dragging you with her to music stores all over the city.

"Buy this." She says one afternoon, thrusting a CD at you. "You'll love it I swear."

You sigh and add it to the pile because you've realized that it's pointless to argue with her since you always end up buying them anyways.

Later you're lying on the floor of your bedroom together listening to Mike Snow and you begrudgingly admit that she's right; you do like it a lot.

"I don't understand how you always know when I'm going to like something." You grumble at her.

She laughs. "You're just easy to read."

You toss the pillow under your head in her direction.

"Hey!" She cries. "Anyways this is just the beginning, before long I'll have transformed you into an indie snob like me."

"You aren't a snob." You say genuinely.

"No, but I'm trying." She laughs.

Things are good between the two of you, great even. Comfortable for the first time. So when your next public event rolls around you figure that all the touching and fake secret dating will go off without a hitch.

It doesn't.

The next morning you're scanning through the pictures on Getty and the two of you look completely ridiculous. Your bodies fit together in all the wrong places, your neck is always craned at an awkward angle away from her, and Dianna looks like she's swallowed a bug in most pictures. You sigh and shut your laptop as Dianna knocks and walks into your room.

"Morning." She says and hands you a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." You say and she sits next to you on your bed.

"Last night was uh…" She trails off.

"Awful. So awful." You groan rubbing your face. "Have you seen the pictures?"

"People are going to stop thinking I'm pretty if I keep making that ridiculous face." Dianna replies.

"Yeah that's probably true." You say with a grin.

"I really don't understand why this is so hard." She sighs. "I mean we're sort of friends right? It should be way easier."

"I think we could probably drop the 'sort of' at this point." You say.

Dianna smiles. "Yeah."

She stands quickly and reaches for your hand.

"Come on. We have to figure this out."

You let her pull you up and she drags you across the room so you're both standing in front of your full length mirror.

"We have to figure out a way to do this without looking so uncomfortable." She says meeting your eyes in the mirror.

"Practice makes perfect." You agree.

"Okay." She nods. "Touch me."

"Ew can you not say it like that?" You grimace.

"You know what I mean Michele!" Dianna says exasperatedly. "Here." She drapes an arm around your shoulder. You sigh and lean into her body. You slide your arm around her body, your hand coming to settle along her rib cage.

"This feels awkward." Dianna admits after a few moments.

"Yeah." You agree.

"Let me try something." Dianna lightly removes your hand from her ribs and lays it just above her hipbone. She takes her arm off your shoulders and wraps it low around your waist. The two of you examine the mirror for a few moments.

"That's actually…" She begins.

"Not bad." You say cocking your head at your reflection. "You're kind of the perfect height for me."

"Yeah, you're a little short for my tastes." Dianna grins. "I don't usually go for toddlers."

"Hey!" You shout and pinch her side. "I am a perfectly average height."

"Ow!" She squirms in your grip. "Sorry, take a joke!"

You laugh. "Seriously though, this looks good." You say admiring your reflections.

"Agreed." She nods tapping her fingers idly against your side. "Let's go make breakfast."

The two of you do so well in your next public appearance that the morning after a gift basket from the Suit shows up in your trailer.

"Is it wrong that I kind of want to take these mini muffins and throw them at his office?" Dianna asks as she picks up a carrot muffin.

"Honestly the part that freaks me out the most is that he knows we're vegan." You reply.

"Yeah and he knew about Theo before I even did." Dianna adds.

"In fairness you didn't know anything about me until we moved in together." You point out, and pick up a banana muffin.

"That's not necessarily true." Dianna mutters. "I may have Googled you."

"Oh god really?" You laugh.

"And bought the _Spring Awakening_ soundtrack." Dianna's blushing by now.

"Were you stalking me or something?" You ask jokingly.

"Don't be so narcissistic." She rolls her eyes. "I also bought Kevin's boy band album. Bear in mind that I was the last one cast and you guys were all buddy-buddy already. I had to do a little homework."

"That's really cute Di." You grin at her.

"I really hate you right now."

Your smile grows. "Don't say things you don't mean lover."

She rolls her eyes at you and takes a bite of her muffin.

"Well this muffin sucks. But I'm glad everything's easier now." She comments.

You nod and agree. After the two of you had worked everything physical out, things were pretty much perfect. You still work shitty hours and are tired most of the time and your boyfriend's across the country but really, you can't complain. You love every day you get to spend on set, even if you have to get up at five am to be there. As far as Theo goes, it's tough, but he visits you not long after you work things out with Dianna.

The two of you spend five blissful days together, and Ryan even lets you take three of them off. You show Theo all around the city and introduce him to your cast mates. He's always been the type of guy who can get along with anyone and that extends to the Glee crowd. By the time he leaves you're certain that you can get through the weeks without him, because it's perfect when you're together, and you love him enough to be patient. You're pretty thrilled at how much he and Dianna hit it off too. He tells you privately that he thinks she's awesome and he's glad you found such a cool roommate. You can't help but agree.

The day after he leaves Dianna tells you how much she likes him too.

"Your boy toy is pretty cool Lea." She calls to you from the kitchen. You're sitting on the bathroom counter with the door open doing your makeup. "I think I like him better than you."

"Oh really?" You call.

"Yup. I wish I was fake secret dating him instead." You can hear the grin in her voice.

"Step off bitch." You call. When the sound of her laugh reaches you, you can't help but join in.

The next few weeks pass without incident. Shooting has been going smoothly and your mall tour starts up soon. The mood on set is of nervous excitement and pride. There's this feeling each of you gets every once in a while that you have something really special on your hands and you can't wait for the world to see it. The cast is closer now than ever.

One night you and Dianna have all the girls over for dinner. Dinner rapidly devolves to drinking copious amounts of wine, which then leads to some ill-advised shots and loosened tongues. You're all sitting around the coffee table in the living room talking and laughing when Jenna turns to speak to you.

"Lea I completely forgot to tell you, you'll never guess who I ran in to when I was back home the other weekend."

"Who?" You ask.

"Lauren." She says grinning.

"Oh?" You reply, toying with the stem of your wine glass. "How is she?"

"Good. She asked about you." Jenna replies.

"Who the hell is Lauren?" Naya asks in a slurred voice. You all laugh and she pouts a little until Heather wraps an arm around her and asks "Yeah who's Lauren?"

"Oh she was Lea's…" Jenna cuts off abruptly at the glare you shoot her way.

"No one." You say firmly.

"No one." Jenna echoes, but the side of her mouth twitches a little.

"Oh now you have to tell us." Amber says.

"It's true Lea, you have to." Dianna smiles at you from across the table.

After the whole table echoes with "Please!" and "Come on!" you finally relent.

"It really isn't a big deal." You shrug without meeting anyone's eyes. "She's just a girl."

"Yeah a girl you used to sleep with!" Jenna calls out. She slams her hand over her mouth when she realizes what she's said.

"I'm sorry what?!" Naya cries. Everyone at the table's eyes are on you now.

"Thank you for that Jenna." You roll your eyes. She has the good grace to look a little sheepish. "Yeah well, we dated for a while. It really isn't a big deal."

"You dated for a while?" Heather asks. "Then what happened?"

"What always happens." You reply simply. "Things didn't work out, I met Theo and now I'm with him. No big deal."

"Lea Michele." Amber says grinning and shaking her head. "Who would of thought? Secretly dating a girl."

You catch Dianna's eye and she raises an eyebrow and grins.

The rest of the girls are quickly distracted when Naya suggests more shots. You stand and declare that you'll get more cranberry juice to chase with.

"I'll help." Dianna offers, and she follows you into the kitchen. You take the cranberry juice out of the fridge and start pouring it in plastic cups. Dianna just leans against the counter and watches.

"So should I be afraid you're going to jump me?" Dianna asks, you turn to face her and she's smiling.

"You aren't my type." You return her smile.

"Ouch." She says and you turn back to finish filling the cups. "You could have told me you know?" She says quietly after a few moments. "I still would have done this whole thing with you. It wouldn't have mattered to me. It doesn't matter to me."

Knowing Dianna the way you do, this doesn't surprise you, but it's nice to hear all the same.

"Thanks." You say and pass her a few cups before grabbing the rest. "Shall we?"

An hour and a half later you're sitting on the living room floor with your head between your knees. Amber and Jenna are both asleep on your couches and Naya and Heather are nowhere in sight. You feel something cool press against your arm.

"Drink this." You look up and Dianna is holding out a glass of water. "It will make tomorrow morning hurt a little less."

You take the glass and drain it in a few gulps.

"Where are Naya and Heather?" You ask passing the glass back to Dianna.

"Well…" She trails off. "I think they're having sex on your floor."

"My floor?" You ask, too drunk to really be upset about it.

"It's sort of sweet really." Dianna laughs. "I think they think they're being more considerate by not doing it in your bed."

Dianna sets the empty glass down on the coffee table and extends a hand your way.

"Come on, you can sleep in my room."

Before long you are nestled under Dianna's covers wearing a pair of her boxers and the tank top you've worn all day. You focus on the sound of Dianna brushing her teeth down the hall and try really hard to avoid the sounds coming from your bedroom. After a few minutes the bed dips beside you and an arm falls across your waist.

"There aren't any photographers in here." You mumble, not bothering to open your eyes.

"I've been told I'm kind of a cuddly drunk." She laughs and tightens her grip on you. You smile a little but are too tired to speak. You turn towards her and nestle your face into the crook of her neck.

"Goodnight." You feel her exhale slowly and pull the covers up tighter around you.

In the moments before sleep takes you, you wonder how you ever could have thought your bodies didn't fit together.

You wake with a splitting headache Dianna's body still tangled with yours. You slowly extract yourself and wander out into the kitchen. Amber and Jenna have gone home, leaving a note thanking the two of you for having them. Naya and Heather are piling all the empty bottles in your recycling bin.

"Morning." You say on your way to turn on the coffee machine.

"Good morning Lea." Heather says cheerfully.

Naya smiles at you and says "You and Lady Di looked awfully cozy in her bed this morning."

"Yeah well my bed was occupied." You roll your eyes and sit at the table. Naya and Heather join you.

"Technically only your floor was occupied." Heather points out.

"Gross." You reply.

"Don't change the subject." Naya says. "What's up with you and Dianna?"

"Nothing." You say firmly.

"Sure." Naya rolls her eyes.

"I think it's nice that you guys are friends now." Heather smiles. "It was weird when you weren't."

"Yeah." You agree. Eventually Dianna stumbles into the kitchen and the four of you make breakfast together. After they leave Dianna turns to you and says, "Those two are so weird." She drops down onto the couch and turns on the TV.

Naya and Heather _are_ weird, you think to yourself. And it was weird when you and Dianna weren't friends. And it's weird that you just spent the night in Dianna's bed and she has yet to say anything about it. A lot of things are weird, you think. And it seems like they just keep getting weirder.

You don't have much more time to think about this though because a week later you leave on your mall tour. You are endlessly grateful that you and Dianna have figured things out because you are around reporters and cameras pretty much non-stop. You hold her hand on stage, she keeps an arm wrapped around the back of your chair when you're signing autographs and the two of you stand together whenever possible. It all becomes second nature to you. You gravitate towards her without even meaning to, you take her hand when it would be perfectly fine not to. And it's not just you. It seems like Dianna is always touching you in some way too, her arm linked in yours, a hand on your lower back when she speaks to you, her fingers playing with your hair. Eventually it's not just during the day when there are cameras around that the two of you do this. Eventually it's not just during the day.

The first few nights on the road you, Dianna, Jenna and Amber all share hotel rooms with two queen sized beds. There is no discussion really, Jenna and Amber take one bed, and you and Dianna take the other. You think nothing of it when some mornings you wake up with your head on Dianna's shoulder or with the warmth of her back pressed against your front.

Somewhere along the line Jenna and Amber get their own hotel room, and you and Dianna are left alone in hotel rooms with two beds. Again there's no discussion, you both crawl into the same bed at night and see no reason why you shouldn't. Some nights Dianna's arm will find its way around your middle, or you'll instinctively curl your body around hers.

When Fox starts shelling out for each of you to have your own rooms, most nights you'll fall asleep in Dianna's, or she'll stay in yours.

You wonder sometimes if this is what the Suit meant by "emotional entanglements". You wonder if things have gone too far. But then the tour takes you to New York and you see Theo, and you're still Lea-and-Theo, and things are still good between you. He and Dianna drag you out to some concerts and the two of them even hang out without you once or twice. When you leave New York and continue on your way, you stop wondering if the way you and Dianna are carrying on is a bad idea. You rationalize. You tell yourself its fine, it's all part of the job and you can stop whenever you want.

It isn't until your first night back in L.A. that you realize you can't.

To celebrate your homecoming, and the fact that you have been given three weeks vacation time, you and Dianna host a cast party at your apartment.

It's three AM and Mark and Jenna are asleep on your couches, Amber and Harry are curled under spare blankets on the floor, and you are alone in your bed. Tonight there is no Naya and Heather fucking on your floor. Tonight you're alone for the first time in weeks and there is absolutely no reason you should be sleeping in Dianna's bed. But that doesn't stop you from wanting to.

The rational part of your brain should be screaming at you that this is a big fat warning sign that things have gotten way out of hand. Unfortunately the rational part of your brain abandoned you after you polished off your sixth glass of wine.

There is no voice of reason now, only feeling. Only the sick gnawing feeling in your chest, the ache in your limbs and the sting behind your eyes. All that's left is loneliness and a sense of need so great it terrifies you. Because when exactly did you start needing Dianna? Needing her in a way that in this moment it doesn't much matter that you have a boyfriend back in a New York, a sweet, perfect boyfriend that you love. Needing her so badly that it drives you from your warm bed, down the hall and into her room.

She's curled on the far side of the bed facing towards the wall. You tiptoe silently across the floor and carefully slide in behind her, praying that she's already asleep. You swallow hard when she stirs and turns over to face you.

"Lea what are you doing in here?" She asks her voice rough with sleep.

You find yourself completely without words.

"Lea?" Her voice is clearer now, her face serious. "What is it?"

"I…" You begin shakily. "I just…"

Words seem to have abandoned you alongside the rational part of your brain. She's staring at you with concern on her face and you know she's waiting for you, waiting for you to say something, or do something.

You kiss her, because you need her and you don't have the words to tell her.

You kiss her hard, like you have something to prove. And you do. You have so many things to prove to her that you don't know where to start. You kiss her and hope she understands that none of this was part of your plan. Understands that you love Theo, but you can want two things at once. Understands that things aren't black and white, and haven't been since you shook hands outside the Suits office to seal the deal. Understands that you are so fucking petrified but you don't know how to stop.

You hope that she's kissing you back because she understands.

You break the kiss to straddle her hips and she sits up and wraps a hand around your neck, pulling you closer. Your lips meet again and neither of you shows any intention of stopping, or even slowing down. And for a while it doesn't matter that you have Theo, or that Dianna is straight, or that half of your cast mates are sleeping in the other room.

It isn't until her hand slides against the skin beneath your shirt, and begins to tug upwards that you pull away.

"Oh god." You whisper and scramble off of her lap. "Oh my god."

Dianna's eyes fly open and she looks as horrified as you feel.

"Lea." She says her voice laced with panic. "What just… oh my god."

You slide off the bed and when your feet hit the cold hardwood floor all you want to do is run. Your head is spinning from what just happened and the alcohol still coursing through your system.

"Lea." Dianna repeats her voice softer, and pleading.

You back out of the room muttering _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry_ again and again.

Maybe it's the cowardly thing to do, but you've never really considered yourself brave. The rest of the cast leaves in the morning, and you're left sitting in the kitchen alone with Dianna. You'd been thinking about what to say, or how to fix things all night, but this was the only solution you could come up with.

"I'm going to move out." You say softly. "I've been saving so finding a place quickly shouldn't be a problem."

She gives you a long steady look from across the table and nods.

"Take as much time as you need." She says and stands. "Do what you have to do." She grabs her keys off the counter and a few seconds later you hear the apartment door click shut behind her. You don't see her again until the evening, when you inform her that after just a day of searching you've found a place. Turns out its easy enough when you're desperate and have cash to burn.

Despite the fact that everything has changed, a week later when you move out Dianna is still as generous as she's ever been. She helps you pack your things and carry your boxes to your car, still as unselfish and helpful as she was the day you moved in.

it only takes you three trips to completely move your life across town. On your last trip when the last box has been stowed away you say goodbye to Dianna. You don't say much, or try to explain; you don't hug her, or touch her at all. You tell her that your last box is packed and you're leaving. All that she does to acknowledge you is nod before she shuts herself away in her room and you're left standing in the apartment alone.

You leave your key on the hook by the door and you expect tears. You expect to feel anything at all, but you don't.

You're on the road in time to see the streetlights come up over the city, and there are people in cars around you, and sights and sounds and smells. But none of it touches you, none of it seems real. You can't feel a thing.

The real weight of it doesn't set in until you're sitting in your new living room alone. It settles over you, weighing heavy in your arms and chest.

It comes out wet and salty, running off your eyelashes.


End file.
